Movie Night Murder Read online

  "Bobbi!" Kelly called out as she came forward to hug Lauren's mom.

  Philby hissed so hard she actually shot backwards. She went about three feet. Did they have Olympics for cats? Cuz that would be awesome.

  "Oh!" Kelly slapped her hand over her mouth. "I forgot." She leaned in towards Bobbi and whispered loudly enough for me to hear (which really doesn't qualify as a whisper, now, does it?). "Sorry. Philby has an unfortunate reaction when she hears the name Bob."

  Philby, who'd just managed to regain the three feet she'd lost earlier, hissed loudly again, this time falling over on her side. She stayed like that, probably in anticipation of hearing that name again, and decided that was safer.

  "What a sweet kitty!" Bobbi knelt down and began to pet the cat.

  "She has kittens too, Mommy!" Lauren giggled, pointing to Martini who was now asleep in her arms.

  "How fun!" Bobbi stepped up to me, holding out her hand. "I'm…" She looked at Philby. "Lauren's mom!" she shouted at me.

  "Oh, okay," I took her hand and shook it. "I'm Merry, Lauren's leader."

  "Nice to meet you!" the woman shouted back.

  Bobbi, or Lauren's Mom—as I'd decided to call her throughout the next twenty-four hours so my cat didn't fall into a hiss-induced coma—was tall and slender. She was immaculately dressed and like her daughter, had bright red hair.

  "It's okay," I insisted. "You don't need to shout."

  Bobbi looked confused, glancing from me to Kelly, "Oh…but I thought you said she was…"

  Kelly interrupted, "You can put your gear in the nursery. Have you met my baby yet?" Wrapping an arm around the woman, she guided her to the room on my right.

  "What was that all about?" I asked out loud.

  "Mrs. Albers told my mom you're an imbecile," Lauren said matter-of-factly.

  I decided that this was a teachable moment. "Imbecile doesn't mean deaf. It means, well, not very smart."

  Lauren cocked her head. "So, you're stupid."

  Well, I do have those days. "No. Mrs. Albers is clinically insane. That means crazy."

  The child shrugged. "Okay."

  With Martini still in her arms, she turned to follow the two women.

  "Great," I mumbled.

  I decided right then and there that when little Finn grew up, I was going to tell her some very interesting stories about her mother as a teenager sneaking out of her house in the middle of the night to go to parties. Maybe I'd even tell her what her mom did at those parties. That kind of made me feel better.

  Only ten of the twelve girls showed up because Hannah and Emily were sick with the flu. Yes, that's sad, but yay! I didn't have to memorize two more names!

  Kelly gathered everyone together in the gym, which included one baby and four cats. I was still stunned that this church had a gym and was just going to ask about it—but Kelly didn't seem to want to talk to me.

  The gym itself was pretty cool. Kelly had thought we could play some games there. I'd been over the moon when I found a bunch of rubber balls. Uh-oh. Were we playing dodgeball later?

  She held up her hand in the quiet sign, and the girls immediately responded by copying her.

  "I ordered pizza!" Kelly said. Why was she saying I instead of we?

  "It will be here any minute," she continued. "Mrs. Wrath—" Kelly used the title the girls always mistakenly called me, just to make me mad—"will go up to the vestibule right now to wait for the delivery."

  The girls squealed, the sound bouncing around the gym, before Kelly held up her fingers in the quiet sign.

  "We will watch movies after we eat. I've got all the Harry Potter movies!"

  Another echoing squeal went up, and Kelly turned to look at me expectantly.

  I glared at my best friend and stomped away. Fine. I'll pay for the pizzas. But she'll be sorry. And that's when I'd realized I had no idea what a vestibule was. Was it a doorway? If so, I'd found four separate entrances when I'd done my reconnaissance earlier. Which one was I supposed to meet the pizza guy at?

  After ruling out an entrance by the kitchen and an entrance by the offices, I headed toward the main lobby—or at least what I thought was a lobby. The final entrance had been by the gym, but Kelly was so mad at me right now I'd figured she picked the door that was farthest away, just because.

  I didn't know we were watching Harry Potter. I knew nothing about those movies. Was it about a werewolf who made ceramic stuff? I'd have to act like I knew what was going on. I was pretty good at that.

  It was still light outside, and September still hadn't shed its late summer heat. I stepped outside, sat down on a bench, and waited. I was a little confused by Kelly's behavior because I was doing what she'd wanted. I was here at the lock-in, and once I went back inside I could get to know the mothers.

  It really wasn't fair for her to be mad. She's the one who got pregnant and couldn't go with us to DC. I didn't get her pregnant…because…well, science. And what about her telling Lauren's mom that I was an imbecile? That didn't seem very mature or responsible to me.

  Once this slumber party was over, I was going to devote every waking moment to finding out who Evelyn Trout was. I had some favors I could call in. And I knew a few things.

  For instance, Evelyn had a Midwestern accent. Either she was an excellent mimic or she was from around here. Well, within a five-hundred-mile radius anyway. Also, the woman was middle-aged and had no sense of humor. I wasn't sure those two things were related—since I wasn't quite there yet.

  Oh for crying out loud. This train of thought wasn't getting anywhere. My mind was too frazzled. If I was going to survive this sleepover, I'd need to focus on what I came here to do. As for Kelly and her rotten attitude? Well obviously it wasn't my fault. And I'd tell her that as soon as the pizza guy got here.

  A crappy little car blasting death metal music screeched to a stop a few yards away. The teenager who got out looked completely bored as he pulled five, huge pizzas from the back seat. I waited until he walked over before standing up.

  "You with the group here?" The kid's voice squeaked. He looked to be about seventeen, with oily hair and a weak chin.

  "That's right," I said as he handed me the boxes.

  "That'll be $125," he said, crossing his arms over his chest.

  My jaw dropped. "You're joking."

  The boy shook his head and stuck out his hand. "Cash or check is fine."

  I glared at him, "That's like, twenty-five bucks per pizza! What are they made of? Caviar and truffles?"

  He shrugged and stuck out his hand again. Clearly this conversation was beyond his pay grade. I didn't have $125 on me. I didn't even have my purse on me. What was Kelly thinking? There was a place up the road where you could get large pizzas for five dollars each!

  The kid looked like he was going to call someone to come make me pay. I had no choice.

  Very carefully, I set the pizzas down on the bench and pulled my cell out of my pocket.

  "Rex?" I said the minute my boyfriend answered. "I need your help."

  Rex handed the kid what looked like $130. A five-dollar tip? Seriously?

  "That's for having to deal with you." Rex winked as the kid walked away.

  I sighed. "Thanks for helping me out. I'll pay you back the minute this thing is over."

  "It's okay. I know you're good for it." Rex kissed me, then walked back to his car and drove off. I was really lucky to have such a great boyfriend.

  "What took you so long?" Kelly asked as I walked into the gym, carrying five possibly cold pizzas.

  "I thought you'd paid for them already." I narrowed my eyes for an intimidating effect.

  My best friend ignored it. "You didn't take your purse out with you?"

  "Nope. And did you realize how expensive those things were?" I pointed at the boxes that had been scooped up by the moms.

  Kelly laughed and nodded. "I did." She turned on her heel and walked away.

  So that was it. She was going to get back at me with these little, passi
ve-aggressive moments. Like telling the mothers I'm an imbecile. Like making me pay for the over-priced pizzas. Well, two could play at that game! I was gonna…

  What? What was I going to do? Harass a woman who'd just had a baby? A baby she'd named after me? No. I'd have to just grin and bear it. And really rack up those scandalous stories to tell her daughter someday.

  Everyone was sitting on the floor, munching pizza. Kelly had distributed juice boxes earlier. It was probably the quietest moment we'd ever had as a troop. A screen had been pulled down from the ceiling in my absence, and some weird projector was hooked up to a laptop. Kelly punched a few keys, and this weird little music came on. The movie was starting.

  I grabbed a couple of slices of pepperoni and joined the four Kaitlins on the floor. The kittens were fascinated by the long strings of cheese that were connected to every slice. I giggled as I watched them swipe at the cheese, and the horrified looks on their faces when it stuck to their paws.

  Were cats stupid or smart? I couldn't really get a read on that. Sometimes, they did things that I would've thought centuries of evolution had bred out of them. Other times, they looked at me as if I was the supreme idiot of the universe. It was mind boggling to say the least.

  The movie started and I realized Harry Potter was some sort of boy wizard. It only took minutes to get swept up in the story. Wow. His family was horrible. If this kid was a wizard, I hoped he'd turn them into incontinent goats or tiny planarians.

  The girls were transfixed. And I was right there with them. For two hours, I gobbled down pizza while I stared, hypnotized by the film. It was a good story. I liked the part about Diagon Alley. I'd love to have an owl like Hedwig. Of course, he probably wouldn't get along with the cats too well.

  The movie finally ended, and I joined the girls in begging for the second film to start.

  "Not until we clean up," Kelly insisted.

  We ran around picking up, and I even volunteered to take the garbage out. I couldn't wait for the second movie. How did I not know about this series? You'd think Rex would've told me about Harry Potter. Right?

  When I returned to the gym, the girls were setting a dozen rubber balls on the middle line.

  "Dodgeball!" The girls seemed to cry out in unison.

  Oh no. Not dodgeball. I wanted the second movie! I'd always hated the game when I'd been in school. Mostly because I was terrible at it. Seriously. I was so bad, that even with no one aiming at me, I usually was the first one out. At least it gave me some experience for being a spy. One time, in Africa, these monkeys were hurling fruit at me, and I didn't even get hit. Not even once.

  But now? An idea slowly dawned on me. Now would be my redemption. How could I lose? First of all, I was bigger. And second, my hand-eye coordination was way better. For once in my life, I was going to win. Harry Potter could wait until I had my moment in the sun.

  Kelly stepped up to the center line. Moms on one side, kids on the other. She blew a whistle, and we all raced toward those rubber balls. I got there before everyone else and managed to knock Betty and Lauren out with one throw. This was too easy! I quickly dispatched the rest of my troop and did a little end zone dance to celebrate my victory.

  What I hadn't counted on was that an adult going after children by hurling rubber balls at them would come across as somewhat cruel. By the time the first round was over, ten little girls were crying in their mothers' arms. Their mothers were shooting death glares at me, which was odd since I was on their team.

  Kelly blew her whistle and called me over to the sidelines. I danced my way over to her, still celebrating my dominance as Dodgeball Queen. Take that, junior high gym teacher, whose name I can't remember!

  "Really?" Kelly had her hands on her hips.

  "What?" I asked a little defensively.

  "This is supposed to be fun." My friend shook her head. "You turned it into a bloodbath."

  "I hardly think that qualifies as a bloodbath…" I grumbled. "There's no blood, really."

  "Then," Kelly said through her teeth. "What do you call that?" She pointed to my right.

  One of the Kaitlins had a huge, red circle on her arm. She gave me furious glances that said I should probably sleep with one eye open tonight.

  "You might be a little, tiny bit right," I mumbled.

  "I'm totally right, and you know it," Kelly fumed. "This is supposed to be fun. You are supposed to get to know the parents. Not body check them."

  Oh. Right. I gave Betty's mom a sad shrug.

  "Sorry, everyone. Really. I shouldn't have been so competitive."

  Inez winked at Betty and whispered something. I thought I heard wait until she's asleep.

  Maybe I shouldn't sleep at all tonight.

  CHAPTER THREE

  Kelly decided that as punishment for my rather aggressive dodgeball slaughter that I should lead the arts and crafts portion of the evening's activities.

  "I don't know. I think we should watch the second movie before it's too late. I'd hate for the girls to go to bed without seeing what happens to Harry Potter next." I tapped my watch.

  "I don't think you fully understand what a lock-in is." Kelly handed me a ream of construction paper that could be used to wallpaper the entire church.

  "It's a sleepover." I made a face as I pulled glue sticks and safety scissors out of a box. Safety scissors. What a joke. I could still kill one, maybe two men with a pair of these.

  Kelly shook her head. "Oh, there's no sleeping here tonight. It's an all-night party."

  What? "What? You're kidding! I didn't sign up for that! I distinctly remember the words lock-in, not stay-up-all-night-driving-your-leader-crazy."

  Kelly put down the pipe cleaners. I had no idea what kind of craft we were going to do, but it seemed terrifying.

  "Look, Merry," she said. "I know you've kind of had issues about spending the night with the girls since you got back…"

  I nodded. "Yes, and I think I told you I've used up a lifetime of sleepovers on that one trip." I really did say that. And she really wasn't amused. Kind of like now.

  "You've been the leader of this troop for a year and a half. You've gone camping with them, taken them on a trip to Washington, DC, taught them how to build fires, and tie knots. What did you think it meant?"

  I sighed. "You're right. I guess I'm still a little jumpy about the whole thing."

  You might think that running a troop of little girls would be easy after having been a spy. You might think that something like this would be a piece of cake, especially since, as a rule, Girl Scouts aren't armed with automatic weapons. And maybe you might believe in unicorns that shoot lasers out of their butts.

  Running a troop has been the best and worst thing that's happened to me since I retired. Actually, more best than worst. Probably 60/40. Or maybe 70/30. Never 80/20 though. That would be going too far.

  The fact was, I loved these kids. And as weird as this is going to sound—I thought of them kind of like my family now. But if you ever told them that, I would hunt you down and torture you. Never give your enemy information they can use against you.

  I grew up in Who's There, Iowa. When I went to college, my parents moved to Des Moines, and my dad launched his political career. Now an important senator in DC, Dad and Mom live there now.

  When I was outed, I decided to disguise myself and come back here. Kelly was the only one who really knew me then. I was kind of a wallflower back in the day—to the point I was invisible. Now being back here as Merry Wrath instead of Finn Czrygy, I was still kind of invisible.

  Which meant that I didn't really know anyone. Kelly talked me into being a co-leader for a troop. These girls became my family. My short, in some cases toothless, giggly, screamy family.

  "I'll work on it," I promised Kelly.

  "Yes you will," she answered before walking away.

  "What? No hug?" I called out after her.

  She just shook her head before she disappeared into the hallway.

  Fine. I organized the
craft materials into equal piles on each table. It had to be exactly equal, I've learned. Kids had radar for one getting more than another. And if one girl had one more sheet of yellow paper or one more pencil than the others, you would hear about it.

  The girls and their mothers poured into the room and gathered around the tables. For a moment, I panicked because I had no idea what we were doing. I'd forgotten to ask Kelly. The girls turned quietly and expectantly toward me.

  Meeooooooow!

  Philby entered the room, trailed by Moneypenny, Bond, and Martini. It gave me an idea.

  After placing an empty box on each table, I deposited a cat into the box. The one thing I have learned over the short time of my cat ownership is that cats love boxes. There are no exceptions to this. None.

  The kittens enjoyed the attention, but Philby was dubious. I made sure to put her at a different table than Bobbi. I didn't even want to think her name, just in case my cat could read minds.

  "The cats are your models," I announced. "Everyone—make a cat using the materials in front of you."

  There! That seemed simple. I heard Finn crying down the hall. Kelly could handle the baby. I totally had this. And once we were done, we could watch the second movie. You know what? Maybe the staying up all night thing would work after all. I'd get to see at least two more movies in the series. Seemed like a win-win to me.

  I made the rounds of the tables, replenishing supplies and introducing myself to the moms I hadn't really met yet. Although, when you play dodgeball together—you get to know people fairly quickly. Especially when you brain them with your elbow or knock their kid unconscious with a red rubber ball.

  At the first table sat the four Kaitlins and their four mothers, all inexplicably named Ashley. To make things even more difficult, the women were all the same height, with brown hair and eyes like their daughters. It was as if these women and their daughters were all cloned from the same DNA and, for some reason, given the same names.

  There was no way I was going to be able to tell these women apart. Even their features were nondescript. I know that seems like a strange description, but it was the truth. These women could fade into the woodwork and be completely forgettable. And while that was an admirable skill for any spy, it was a pain in the butt for a Girl Scout leader who was trying to get to know the mothers of her girls. For now, they'd just have to be known as the Ashleys—mothers of the Kaitlins.