Musket Ball Murder Page 2

  "You know, Merry…" The Korean-American medical examiner studied the men's uniform. "A lot of women disguised themselves as men in order to fight. It might be a good option for you."

  I wasn't quite sure how to take that. "What do you mean?"

  "Well," she mused, "you're kind of a tomboy, and it would be easier to move around in men's clothes."

  Kelly was on the verge of hysterical laughter—something she was trying desperately to cover up.

  I snatched up a complicated-looking corset. "No thanks. I'm a woman, and I'd like to play one, thanks."

  "Do you know how this stuff works?" Kelly asked. "Put on that chemise—the nightgown-looking thing."

  I took off my shorts and shirt and wiggled into the dress. "This isn't so bad." I actually twirled. "It's very comfy."

  The next sound I made sounded like the hoarse croaking of an adenoidal toad with dry mouth being strangled. Kelly had slapped the corset on me and was lacing it up as the air in my lungs decided it had much better places to be. Philby, my cat who looks like Hitler, jumped up on the bed, eyeing me as Kelly tried to kill me with a garment. It seemed like she approved.

  "Can't…breathe…" I appealed to my best friend's nursey instincts, but she wasn't listening.

  "We have the petticoat and the hoop," Kelly said as she pulled a giant skirt over my head, followed by a round cage, which she tied in place. "Then two more petticoats and the dress."

  It was like being assaulted with historical clothing. My head would surface only for a moment as another thing was dropped on top of me. By the time I was fully dressed, in addition to the complete lack of lung capacity, I was wearing an additional fifteen pounds of fabric.

  "How did women do this every single day?" I grumbled, tugging at the tight bodice.

  "They only had a few dresses." Soo Jin grinned at me. "One for housework, one for day-to-day stuff, and one for church. Sometimes they had gowns for balls."

  Kelly squealed. "There's going to be a Blue and Gray Ball at the end!"

  "My hair's too short for this." I stared into the mirror. From the neck down, besides the sport sandals I was wearing, I looked pretty authentic. From the neck up, my dirty blonde curls were another thing.

  "I almost forgot!" Soo Jin dove into a huge bag and pulled out a wig with long, dirty blonde hair that matched my own, in an elaborate updo, with little sausage curls dangling in front of my ears.

  "You had to stick to my natural hair color?" I asked. "You couldn't have made me a redhead or brunette?"

  Soo Jin shook her head. "If the wig slips, it's best to have it match your hair color."

  She then proceeded to pin strands of hair to my head with bobby pins. Once I looked completely ridiculous, she put the wig on and adjusted it.

  "That's me?" I gaped. Granted, the wig hadn't been put on correctly, but it certainly didn't look like me.

  Kelly and Soo Jin nodded at my reflection. Then they went about dressing up themselves. Kelly went right for the ball gown, pulling her hair into a tight bun. Soo Jin put on a day dress.

  "I'm not sure what I'll do with the hair." She shook her glossy, black bob, and every single hair went obediently back into place. "Oh well. I'll figure it out."

  My bedroom looked like a costume shop had exploded.

  "Mrrrrow!" Philby called. We turned to see that the cat had wriggled into a corset and a red wig. She looked like a feline drag queen impersonating Hitler. That was the last straw. If the cat could do it, I could too.

  Philby had a thing for dressing up. She liked wearing a diaper sometimes, and once she'd confiscated a rubber werewolf mask at Halloween that she wore until Easter. To tell the truth, the wig and corset suited her.

  "I guess we're ready," I grumbled.

  Two days later, we were in two minivans hauling a small cannon down the highway on our way to the reenactment. I'd managed to cancel the muskets but was too late for the cannon. I didn't tell the girls this, but I was kind of okay with having one. I was going to put it in my front yard after the weekend. And it would be handy to have in case we were ever invaded by pirates.

  There we were, wearing period work dresses that still restricted us to the point that we couldn't do much more than wheeze while wearing them, on our way to the reenactment. At least I'd finally gotten the wig right on my own. Once I'd learned how to pin up my hair before putting it on, the fake hair looked more natural.

  "Mrs. Wrath." Betty handed me a CD from the passenger seat. "I got this from the library. It's a famous Civil War song, and I think we should sing this instead of Girl Scout songs."

  I looked at my troop through the rearview mirror. "I'm really proud of you girls! That's taking initiative."

  "I have lyric sheets," Betty said amidst a rustling of paper.

  Wow! They really were excited about this. I guess I was becoming some sort of educator. Not a full-on teacher—there was no way I was that smart. But making a difference nonetheless!

  I popped the CD in, and the refrain from "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" played. Hey! I knew this one!

  "Mine eyes have seen the glory…" I sang a little off-key before I realized that the girls were singing something different.

  John Brown's body lies a-moldering in the grave

  John Brown's body lies a-moldering in the grave

  John Brown's body lies a-moldering in the grave

  But his soul goes marching on…

  "Those aren't the lyrics," I started to protest, but they just ignored me and went on.

  The stars above in heaven are looking kindly down

  The stars above in heaven are looking kindly down

  The stars above in heaven are looking kindly down

  On the grave of old John Brown

  "Guys!" I paused the music to see five little girls in the rearview mirror looking at me. "What gives?"

  "That's the song 'John Brown's Body,'" Betty said in a tone that usually implied I wasn't very bright.

  "It's 'The Battle Hymn of the Republic,'" I corrected.

  The girl shrugged. "The librarian said this was a very important song back then. It was written by abonationalists."

  "Abolitionists," Ava, who knew everything, corrected.

  Unsure if Betty was right but impressed that she'd actually talked to a librarian, I allowed the song to play. I was able to sing the Glory, glory hallelujah part because I knew that and they'd kept it in the song. And I had to admit it was catchy and definitely gruesome—something particularly important to my troop.

  He captured Harper's Ferry with his nineteen men so true

  He frightened old Virginia till she trembled through and through

  They hung him for a traitor, they themselves the traitor crew

  But his soul goes marching on

  Glory, Glory, Hallelujah

  Glory, Glory, Hallelujah

  Glory, Glory, Hallelujah

  His soul goes marching on.

  After fifteen minutes of playing the song over and over, we finally had it memorized and were applying our own kind of flair. I especially liked when Lauren and Inez made strangling noises during the hanging part.

  As we pulled into a makeshift grass lot in the middle of nowhere, Caterina asked, "Who was John Brown?"

  "He was an abolitionist like Ava said," I replied automatically before realizing that fourth graders probably needed a little more information. "He was against slavery. Before the Civil War, he led a raid on Harper's Ferry, in West Virginia, against the military."

  "Why'd they hang him for that?" Ava asked.

  Sadly, my knowledge of John Brown was pretty limited. "We should look it up…" I said as I noticed they were all on their cell phones googling it.

  A knock on the window made me jump.

  Kelly motioned for us to get out of the car. "Come on! We have a lot to do."

  My best friend then smoothed her hands over her work dress—a simple blue cotton gown that suited her. Her hair had been dramatically styled and looked incredible. How did she do that?

  When we'd finally shown the girls the dresses, they wanted to wear the ball gowns all three days. We'd had some pretty tricky negotiations that ended with permission to wear their ball gowns all day on the last day and getting to fire the cannon.

  Come to think of it, Kelly and I had gotten very little out of the bargain.

  "Guys!" Betty shouted at the girls from the other van. "We just learned the coolest Civil War song!"

  Lauren elaborated. "There's a hanging and a body moldering in a grave!"

  Kelly shot me a look.

  "'John Brown's Body,'" I explained. "A very popular Civil War–era song. Duh."

  I turned to high five the girls, but they just shook their heads and rolled their eyes.

  "You didn't know that either, did you?" Kelly winked.

  "Not a clue," I admitted.

  The ten little girls in my troop looked like they belonged in a nineteenth century fashion magazine. All of them had long hair, so they didn't need wigs. And they were taking care of their dresses, constantly checking them. At the moment, they were admiring themselves in the reflection of my silver minivan.

  "Merry!" Dr. Soo Jin Body called my name from across the parking lot.

  She was making a beeline straight for us, fully decked out in a stunning, white and red striped dress. Somehow she'd been able to arrange her hair into an updo that gave the illusion of it being much longer than it was. That woman could make anything look good. Right behind her was her drop-dead gorgeous boyfriend, state trooper Eddie Ruiz, dressed as a Union officer. For a moment, I marveled at a diversity that certainly wasn't true to that era. I liked this one better.

  "I've got your information," Soo Jin said as she hugged the whole gaggle of girls. "You ladies look absolutely perfect!"
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  Eddie handed me a sheaf of papers that resembled some sort of parchment. Everything written on it looked like calligraphy, with authentic dribbles of ink here and there.

  "Thanks, Eddie!" Kelly took the papers from me. "You guys look great too!"

  The absurdly handsome couple blushed, which was adorable.

  "Thank you!" Soo Jin smiled, and it felt like looking into heaven. "This is going to be so fun! Your tents are all set up, and you are ready to go!"

  "Seriously?" I popped the back hatch on my minivan. "I thought we were supposed to do it."

  Eddie shook his head, "The reenactors did it for you. And your troop is running the Union's Ladies Auxiliary Aid Society tent."

  "What's that?" Betty looked skeptical.

  "Well," Soo Jin said, "you guys will demonstrate what women did for the troops back in the day. Handing out soap, sewing supplies, and so on to the soldiers."

  Betty folded her arms across her chest. "Nope."

  "Nope?" Kelly asked.

  "I'm here for the fighting and the dying stuff," the child insisted.

  The other girls looked at us expectantly. In another few seconds, we could have a full-blown mutiny on our hands.

  "There were girls who disguised themselves as boys to fight," Lauren informed us.

  I held up my right hand, utilizing the Scout sign for silence. The girls looked at me expectantly.

  "We talked about this," I said. "You all agreed we'd follow the norms and customs of that era."

  Betty narrowed her eyes at me but said nothing.

  "You'll all be able to watch the battles," Soo Jin added.

  "Battles? There was only one…" I started. "And it was hardly a battle. More like a—"

  Kelly jumped in. "Can you give us the breakdown for the weekend?"

  I shot her a look, which she avoided.

  Eddie held up a map of the site. To the left of Idiot Creek (which ran north to south on the map) was the Union encampment. On the right was the Confederate camp. He ran his finger along a rather exaggerated drawing of the creek to a field on the left.

  "This will be the first skirmish," he said. "The Rebels will try to invade the Union camp from the south. The Union will succeed in driving the Southerners back over the creek."

  Okay, it was a bit dramatic, but I'd accept that. However, I remembered that he said battles.

  He continued, "There's going to be a rehearsal today, and the first fight will happen tomorrow. On Friday, the Union will invade the South near the same spot and will be turned back. On Saturday, there will be a huge battle in the middle, right over the creek. Sunday, the Union will move across the river and chase the Rebels out of Iowa for good."

  "So," I said, "this is a complete fabrication."

  Kelly shot me a look this time, but I dodged it.

  Soo Jin shook her head. "We just had to make it bigger in order to draw tourists. During the final battle, we will release a skunk reenactor to play the part of Orville."

  "A skunk reenactor?" Lauren clapped her hands together. "Will it really be a skunk? They're soooooo cute!"

  An enthusiastic cheer went up among the girls as a group of Confederate soldiers passed by. Most of them gave the girls a sour look, and one spit a long stream of tobacco in our general direction.

  To my complete dismay, Betty spewed one right back. That made the gaunt, cranky man smile. He touched the brim of his cap before walking away.

  Kelly went into full nurse mode. "Betty! You can't chew tobacco!" She held her hand out. "Give it to me right now!"

  The girl shrugged and spit a brown wad into my best friend's hand. It didn't faze Kelly a bit because she'd been an emergency room nurse and had seen just about everything (including once when a guy coughed up his epiglottis right into her hand). She dumped it on the ground and pulled an elaborate handkerchief from her pocket, unceremoniously wiping the hand clean while the rest of us stared at her, jaws on the ground.

  "It's just pulled pork in barbecue sauce." Betty handed over a small Tupperware container that she'd been hiding in her skirts.

  "That was so cool!" Lauren shouted.

  Ava and Inez grinned in agreement, but the Kaitlyns shook their heads with disapproval.

  Eddie cut in before we could say anything else. "Let's get you ladies unpacked and unloaded so that you can see the rehearsal!"

  A weathered old man with a mule and cart arrived. He was dressed in a threadbare blue shirt and patched-up black pants that looked like they'd seen better days in 1832. The wagon resembled a pile of splinters held together with the tobacco he was spitting every five seconds. Betty pulled a small notebook and pencil from her skirts and took notes.

  "Name's Ike," he introduced himself, "and this here is Daisy May." He spit in the general direction of the donkey, who responded with an impressively loud belch.

  The girls, who'd been unloading their things, dropped everything and swarmed. No animal could remain unmolested with my troop around. I made a mental note to inform them that the skunk was out of bounds, just in case the reenacting beast was authentic and still retained his scent sac.

  Ike glowered appropriately as Daisy Mae ignored the girls.

  "He's pretty authentic," I murmured to Soo Jin.

  "Oh yes." She agreed "He came highly recommended."

  "For what?"

  "For this. We needed a way to help move things into camp and then between locations. The provost recommended him."

  Ike snapped at the girls to back off, which didn't seem to deter them in the least. I gave Ike the once-over. Grizzled and gray with weathered skin and wiry white hair, the man seemed to have travelled through time to get here.

  "Where's he from?" I asked.

  "Idaho," Soo Jin said. "Since this is the last reenactment of the summer, he was happy to join us."

  Ike didn't look like happy was an emotion he was familiar with. The donkey, however, was thrilled to find a patch of weeds, which she chewed on thoughtfully.

  "Horses!" Caterina cried out, pointing to two approaching Union men on horseback.

  "No!" I said quickly. "Don't pet any animal without clearing it with the owner first."

  "It's okay," Eddie said. "We rented them from Girl Scout Camp."

  "You what?" I asked. "I thought they had to use horses that could handle the sounds of gunfire and cannons."

  The state trooper agreed. "They do. Apparently, dealing with all those girls and their squealing has made these horses fairly battle ready."

  In a way, that did make sense.

  After Kelly gave directions, the girls gathered their things and tossed them onto the cart. Ike looked inside and, upon seeing all of the Disney sleeping bags and suitcases, frowned. He spit off to the right and glared at us.

  "Sorry." I shrugged. "Everything else is legit. We just didn't have time to get authentic sleeping bags." I looked down at the Dora the Explorer bag in my hands and then hid it behind me.

  Ike narrowed his eyes. "They didn't have sleeping bags back then. They had a rolled-up blanket that they carried on their back."

  "But hey!" I pointed at my van. "We have a cannon!"

  Eddie spoke up. "I'll post a sign on your two tents that says No Visitors. That should keep the air of authenticity intact."

  "Spectators go inside the tents? Where we keep our personal stuff?" I should've brought some security precautions. Was it too late to get Rex to find my infrared laser security canister? No, that would put him where some of my other secret stuff was. I couldn't afford to do that. While I was sure my husband kind of knew I had these things, there was no point having him confiscate them.

  "Only in the public areas," Eddie said. "But some of the reenactors are hardcore and like the audience to see that."

  "Hardcore?" Kelly bit her lip and looked at the girls.

  "It's the reenactors who go all out," Soo Jin said brightly. "They will only eat the food they can scrounge up, wear only authentic clothes, and stay in character all weekend."

  Eddie laughed. "There's even a guy who can bloat up like a body would after lying on the ground for days."

  A squeal of joy erupted from my troop, and they peppered the state trooper with questions.

  "Will he have maggots?" Inez asked hopefully.

  "What kind of wounds?" Caterina piped up.