Musket Ball Murder Read online

  Ava couldn't stand being left out of the conversation. "Does he carry fake blood with him? Like everywhere?"

  Betty had other ideas. "Will he explode in the end?"

  "Ladies!" Kelly clapped loudly. "Please! Let's show some decorum. We're in character now!"

  The kids lined up in pairs with their trail buddy and grumbled as we followed the cart across the lot.

  "No fair if we can't see him explode," Betty muttered.

  We crossed into a small copse of trees and, when we came out the other side, were presented with the sight of dozens of white tents in perfect rows. As we passed through, Union soldiers tipped their hats and called us "ma'am." I could get used to manners like this. Maybe it would rub off on the girls. We'd been working on dinner etiquette and had finally gotten them to stop having belching contests at the table. I'd have thought there'd be a medal for something like that, but Kelly told me most girls didn't do that in the first place. I guess there are some really boring troops out there.

  Eddie led us between two large tents to a smaller one a few yards away.

  "This is the Ladies Aid tent," he said. "The large tents are for public activities. The small tents are for personal use. Let's head over to where you can unpack your things."

  There were two slightly smaller white canvas tents side by side.

  "These are yours."

  He and Soo Jin helped us unload the cart, and the girls took things inside. Kelly, Hannah, and the four Kaitlyns were in one tent, and I had Betty, Lauren, Caterina, Inez, and Ava in mine. Once things were squared away, we came outside to find ten wooden chairs out front as two soldiers were setting up our cooking area quickly and efficiently.

  "Maybe if these guys are local," I mused, "they could help us every time we camp."

  "You!" Betty shouted as she marched over to the men. "What are you doing?"

  "Betty!" One of the Kaitlyns frowned. "You have to walk daintily!"

  The girl ignored the admonishment and even started pushing up the sleeves of her dress. She was on a mission.

  The two men got to their feet. They were both probably in their forties, with a little gray at the temples. One man was clean shaven. The other sported an impressive set of sideburns that seemed to be devouring his face.

  "They're helping you set up," Soo Jin soothed.

  Betty was furious. "We can do it ourselves!" With her hands on her hips, she stared up at the two men. "We are Girl Scouts!"

  The men grinned and nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

  "What's your regiment, soldier?" Betty barked.

  Both men snapped to attention as the sideburns guy said, "166th Iowa Artillery!"

  "You shoot the cannons?" Betty asked.

  The men nodded.

  The girl pointed at Daisy Mae, who was arriving with our cannon in tow.

  "We brought our own," Betty said.

  The two men looked at each other. The clean-shaven one said, "That's hardcore, miss." Then they walked away.

  "Okay." I started to kneel beside the girl, but the hoop beneath my skirts refused to allow it, so I bent at the waist. "From here on out, we need to be a little more respectful. We're supposed to be a group of ladies from a certain era in history. We don't bark orders at these men."

  Betty shrugged. "I don't see why not."

  One of the Kaitlyns spoke up. "You agreed to do this the right way, Betty."

  The other three bobbed their heads in unison.

  "Fine." The girl threw her hands in the air. "Whatever."

  "Merry Wrath!" A shriek from my left turned my blood to ice. I turned to face a very angry redhead wearing a green wool dress, her red hair pulled back in a severe bun that rendered the woman unable to blink naturally.

  "Hello, Juliette," I said slowly.

  Juliette Dowd, my nemesis—scourge of the Girl Scout Council—stood before me.

  "It's Miss Dowd to you!" she snapped.

  "You're a reenactor?" Kelly's jaw dropped.

  "Of course I am," she shrieked. "I do this every summer. And I'll be watching you. I'm a hardcore, and I don't like farbs, so don't cross me, or I'll report you to the provost!" She stormed off with the purpose of Hitler marching toward Poland.

  "Great," I deadpanned. "Juliette's here."

  For the first time since I'd known her, Soo Jin scowled. "I didn't know she'd be here. We might have our hands full."

  "What's a farb?" Betty asked.

  "Basically," Eddie said, "it's people who don't have authentic clothing or equipment or behave in the right way. Hardcores think people like that ruin the whole experience."

  Damn. I really should've brought some sort of security system for the tents. The last thing I needed was for Juliette to see a bunch of sleeping bags depicting princesses and fairies. And, in Betty's case, Ursula from The Little Mermaid.

  "Who's the provost?" Caterina asked.

  "Major General Alister 'Stumpy' Smith." Soo Jin smiled again. "He's in charge of coordinating the whole show. We're lucky we got him. He's from a regiment in Minnesota. Hardcore but very accepting of the fact that not everyone can afford to buy all the authentic things they need."

  "How will he handle Juliette?" I asked.

  "With kid gloves," Eddie said.

  "What's in these other tents?" Ava asked, apparently over this drama.

  "That's the sutlery." Eddie pointed at the tent adjacent to ours. "It's a shopping area selling authentic gear and clothing. And that," he said as he pointed to the tent diagonally across from us, "is the medic tent."

  "That's the amputation tent." Soo Jin pointed to a tent on the other side of the Ladies Aid Society tent. "It's my favorite. Want to see?"

  Just then a man with wire-rimmed spectacles came out of that tent, covered in what appeared to be blood. His white hair stuck out in all directions, as if he'd been hit by lightning. He looked at us.

  "That's Doc," Soo Jin said.

  "It's a sad day, ladies. We had a soldier who just lost both of his legs to gangrene. It is a terrible day for…"

  He never got to finish because he was carried back into his tent on a wave of little girls.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  I had to admit the amputation tent was pretty cool. Gruesome but cool. A stack of mannequin legs and arms lay piled in one corner, covered in fake blood. On the tables, three men in uniform groaned loudly, each crying out for whatever part they'd "lost."

  "My legs!" one groaned.

  "My arm!" shouted another.

  The third one looked at the other two as if they'd taken all the good parts to amputate. For a moment he put his hands on his head but must've decided that having that amputated would be a bit less survivable, so he just rolled around moaning.

  It was almost too much for my ghoulish troop to take in as they raced from one thing to another, examining the bone saws and mannequin parts. The four Kaitlyns ran to the three men, offering to write letters to their families when they died.

  "I'm not going to die, miss," said the soldier with the "missing" legs. "I'm going home!"

  "Of course you are," one of the girls said. Then she turned to the other Kaitlyns and shook her head. "But just to be safe, I'll write your family and tell them you've died."

  "Hey," I asked Doc. "How come these guys have lost limbs before any battle?"

  "Oh, that's their thing. They like to play amputees. They'll whine in here all weekend, but you can be sure they'll be dancing at the ball."

  The soldier with the "missing" arm winked at me. "We get a lot of sympathy from the ladies."

  They were using imaginary amputation as a way to hit on women? "Good luck with that."

  I held out my hand to shake the doctor's hand. "Merry Wrath. This is Kelly Albers, and this is our Girl Scout troop. We're the Ladies Auxiliary Society."

  The man bowed. "Doc Whipple. At your service, madam."

  Soo Jin added, "Doc is a retired physician who's a specialist in wartime medicine. He's from Waterloo."

  "You're from Iowa?" I asked, not sure why I was surprised.

  "Oh yes." He nodded. "You too?"

  "Who's There," Kelly said as she wrestled a scalpel away from Ava, who was carving her initials into a mannequin leg. That's when I noticed that a couple of the limbs were carved with Betty the Badass did this.

  His face lit up. "Oh! Then you know all about the Battle of Idiot Creek! I'd love to know more about it."

  "It really isn't what you think," I said.

  "I'd be happy to tell you about it," Kelly interrupted. And just what was she going to say? Everything about this event was made up.

  The "badass" leg carver held up a saw, shaking her head with disapproval. "These don't look sharp enough."

  "Because this is just a reenactment." Doc smiled. "We don't really cut off limbs."

  "Well, what's the point if you're not really going to amputate anybody?" she complained.

  Doc looked at us questioningly.

  "That's Betty." I waved him off. "She's just…um…" My brain scrambled for the right adjective and failed. "Betty."

  "I'm gonna be a spy when I grow up." She stamped her foot. "How am I going to know how to torture someone if nobody will let me do it?"

  "Is she serious?" Doc's eyes grew wide.

  "You'll get used to her," I mumbled. "Eventually."

  Inez stepped forward, her sharp eyes studying Doc. "How many amputations do you do after a battle?"

  Doc smiled. "Well, that depends. If cannons are involved, probably three of those. And there's always one or two who get shot in a way that shatters the bone."

  Lauren frowned. "That seems like a lot."

  "There were a lot more in real battles." Doc informed us. "For small events like this, they usually limit us to one or two. Everyone wants to have an amputation, believe it or not."

  "Why?" Caterina asked in horror.

  He shrugged. "Some feel it makes the reenactment more authentic." He pointed at the men who'd dialed up their moaning to full volume. "Others just like the attention."

  Kelly and I watched as the girls peppered the old man with questions. I liked Doc Whipple. He looked like a wizened Mark Twain (albeit one who likes cutting people up). But most importantly, he seemed good with kids.

  "After the battles," Ava asked, "can we help out in here?"

  "Of course. Ladies often calmed down the soldiers and helped them cope with their loss."

  This seemed to make the Kaitlyns happy.

  "I meant," Ava corrected, "can we operate the saw?"

  Hannah and Caterina gasped, but Lauren, Betty, Inez, and Ava appeared to think this was an acceptable request.

  Kelly, however, did not. "Ladies, remember what I told you."

  Loud shouts got our attention, and we ran to the doorway. Outside, men were running past, and a loud boom shook the ground beneath our feet. Drumbeats split the air, and we rushed outside to see what was happening, dragging the Kaitlyns with us.

  They protested because two of them were telling the patient with the missing legs that even if he survived for the ball, no one was going to dance with a no-legged man. We were almost out of the tent when Betty called the flirty amputee a "misogynocoligical" loser.

  "The rehearsal is starting!" Soo Jin and Eddie tore off toward the battlefield.

  Doc joined us, frowning. "We don't do rehearsals at these things."

  I shrugged. "Most of this event is made up. I totally get it."

  "Will we get in trouble with someone if it isn't by the book?" Kelly bit her lower lip.

  "I don't know," Doc answered. "I've been doing these things for years, but a rehearsal is new to me. Then again, your reenactment is being done by local people like Dr. Body. I don't see why they can't do it a different way."

  "I don't care." I tugged on Kelly's sleeve. "Let's go!"

  We followed the drumbeats, not sure what we were supposed to do.

  "It says," Kelly said as she ran, which wasn't easy in a corset (I should know because I could barely keep up with her and breathe at the same time) while reading from the papers Eddie had given us, "that we can go out after the fight and offer the wounded water."

  "That's all?" Betty complained. I noticed she didn't have any trouble maneuvering in her child's version of my adult dress.

  "Why?" I couldn't help asking. "What did you want to do?"

  "I figured we could put men out of their misery by shooting the injured soldiers."

  Lauren added, "But just the ones near death."

  "After," a Kaitlyn interjected, "we've written a letter for them telling their family how they died."

  Hannah piped up, "We can't do that! We can't say 'your son was dying and Betty shot him to put him out of his misery!'"

  Betty shrugged. "Why not? It's humane. I'd aim for the heart or head."

  "Remember," Lauren said as Kelly opened her mouth to protest, "this is all pretend. Betty isn't really going to shoot anyone in the head. Right?"

  We all turned to Betty, but the girl was suddenly fascinated with the ribbon in her hair.

  We stopped at the edge of a field, behind some rather unauthentic crime scene tape. The Rebels squared off against the Union, each with one row kneeling in front of a row of standing men. All were at attention. On both sides, officers on horseback held their sabers high and shouted commands.

  One of the Union officers looked familiar, with wavy blond hair and a small goatee.

  "Riley?" I asked. "Riley's a reenactor?"

  "Prepare arms!" my former CIA handler barked out. The men held up their rifles and aimed at the line of gray in front of them. "Fire!"

  A deafening cacophony of gunshots went off, and the Rebels returned fire. Men collapsed to the ground, screaming. Those who weren't injured were ordered to charge. It turned into a melee of gray on blue as men fought hand-to-hand.

  "Kill 'em!" Betty shouted.

  The amputation tent was forgotten as men pretended to kill each other. It was a bit too real. Kelly watched it curiously. She'd been an ER nurse until recently, when she'd quit to work for Riley's private investigation firm. She'd gotten time off to do this but apparently hadn't known Riley was participating as well. Some researcher she turned out to be.

  At least it wasn't gory. There wasn't a drop of fake blood in sight. This would aggravate my troop—they liked that kind of stuff. Maybe they were saving it for when the tourists were here.

  "Hey!" I shouted over the deafening noise. "Is that my cannon?"

  A group of Confederates had my little cannon and were loading and firing it as fast as they could.

  "I didn't give permission to use it!" And I certainly wouldn't give it to the Rebels. I'd rather give it to that 166th Iowa Artillery. To use—not to keep. What if they broke it? Was there a warranty on things like that?

  "Sorry." Soo Jin frowned. "I'll bet Ike gave it to them. He's a Rebel sympathizer. I'll look into it when the battle's over."

  "How did they have the right…" I searched my mind to come up with the right word. "Um, gunpowder for it?" I wondered. "They didn't know I was bringing it."

  We stayed on the sidelines, watching the soldiers fight until the Confederates broke and ran back over the creek. It was the most anticlimactic ending ever, due in part to Idiot Creek looking as though it had evaporated even more.

  The field went quiet, and we surveyed the bodies of the dead and wounded. Men cried out for help. One guy bloated up. It was impressive.

  Kelly had found a bunch of wooden buckets, helpfully filled with water and wooden ladles. I was getting a little worried. Who was doing all of this stuff for us? I'd need to put a stop to that before my girls rioted.

  My co-leader didn't seem to mind as she organized the girls to walk around offering water. I went along, but the girls took their job very seriously and beat me to most of the victims.

  I passed by a Union soldier I'd thought was dead, but he reached out and grabbed my skirts. Instinct kicked in, and I almost broke his arm before I realized what was happening. Awkwardly, I tried to lower myself to the ground to see what he wanted. This was, unfortunately, impossible to do with a corset, so I stayed on my feet and looked down at him.

  "I have to warn you," the man croaked through dried-out lips. "You're not safe here."

  Of course I get the delirious dude. I patted the air awkwardly since I couldn't bend over and reach his arm. "It's going to be okay. We'll get you to the medic tent, and you'll be fine." I wasn't sure what to say, but that seemed harmless.

  "Not safe here," he repeated, his eyes going wide.

  "It's okay," I said. "The battle's over. I'm with the Ladies Aid Society. We're totally safe here."

  The man looked at me for a moment before speaking. "Not what I mean. It's not safe here, Merry Wrath!"

  CHAPTER FIVE

  "Resurrect!" a man who looked important shouted into a megaphone that I suspected wasn't 1860s legit. We really were playing a little fast and loose with the rules. I hoped Soo Jin wouldn't get into trouble with this guy for that.

  All around us, men got to their feet. Some congratulated the bloating guy. The soldier staring at me was helped up by two other men who looked him over and decided he should take a trip to Doc in the medic tent. They completely ignored me as I stood there processing the man's words.

  In the distance, I noticed that one Union soldier was still lying in the open. Was it a trick of the sun, or was there red on his white collar? Had someone really gotten hurt?

  I started toward the man on the ground.

  "Hey!" I shouted. "Are you alright?"

  The man did not move. He was maybe one hundred feet away. I began to run a little, but my corset reined me in. And then I stepped in a gopher hole and almost sprained my ankle. After extracting my leg, I looked again, but the man was gone.

  Limping, I made my way over to where he'd been and looked around. There wasn't any sign of him, but there was a red stain in the crushed grass. Had he really been hurt? How did he get up and move away? I tried to get close to the stain to inspect it. My corset, once again, held me back. How did women wear these? If I took mine off, would anyone even notice?

  I turned to see that the man who'd grabbed my skirt was now gone. At this point, I needed some answers from the man who'd warned me. Instead of waiting for my troop, I made my way back to the Union camp and entered the medic tent.