Mad Money Murder Read online

  "Why did they name her Badger Tooth? It's not very pretty," Kaitlyn interrupted.

  "You're right," Hal conceded. "It wasn't a pretty name. It was given to her because she was so tough and brave."

  "Okay," Betty decided, "if it can't be Sparkly Unicorn, we'll take Badger Tooth."

  "I'm glad you agree," Hal said seriously. "Years passed, and Chief Red Hawk grew older. He wanted Badger Tooth to lead the tribe after him, but since she wasn't interested in getting married or having children, he was worried that his line would die out."

  "What does that mean?" Inez asked. "How can a line die out?"

  Ava spoke up. "By erasing it with an eraser, of course."

  Hal didn't miss a beat. "So without any heirs, there would be braves fighting to rule. And Red Hawk only wanted peace. He demanded Badger Tooth choose a husband and have children."

  "That's mean!" Kaitlyn cried out.

  "Yes, it is," Hal said. "The princess made him a deal. If any of the young men in the tribe could beat her in a footrace, he could have her as his wife."

  "I like where this is going." Lauren nodded.

  "Shhh," I found myself saying. "Let the man finish, please."

  Hal smiled. "On the day of the race, they set a course that would start at the banks of the Mississippi, right where Aunt June lived." He gave me a look. I guess he knew who I was. "The race wound up the bluffs, ending where the ceremonial burial mounds are now. Three men decided to compete. And when they had all assembled at the river, the chief gave the signal, and the princess and the three young braves took off running."

  He paused dramatically. We were all leaning in, wanting to hear the rest of the story.

  "What happened?" Inez pleaded. "Who won the race?"

  "As the race started up the bluffs, one of the braves caught up to Badger Tooth, who was in the lead."

  "Naturally," Betty said.

  "He tried to push her aside as he gained on her, but he tripped on a rock and fell off the cliff into the river. He was never seen again."

  "That's the ghost!" Ava gasped.

  Hal went on. "Not long after, the second brave caught up to her. And since he didn't see anyone else, he thought he was winning. As he passed Badger Tooth on the outside of the path, it gave way, and he too fell off the cliff and died."

  "Two ghosts!" Lauren clapped her hands.

  "What happened next?" I inquired.

  "The last fifty feet of the race lay ahead," Hal stated. "And the last man caught up to Badger Tooth. He knew he'd started out last, and he also realized he hadn't passed by the other two. Since the princess was faster than they were, he had an idea of what had happened. He decided that going around her was too dangerous."

  "Because she pushed them off the cliff," Betty said with a shrug.

  "That may be true," Hal said. "We will never know. But the third brave, whose name was Two Owls, was the smartest in the tribe. He came up behind the princess, scooped her up, and threw her over his shoulder, all while running. Badger Tooth punched, bit, and scratched him, but he wouldn't put her down until the end of the race. Just before the finish line, he gently set her down on her backside and then won the race before she could get to her feet."

  "That was smart!" I whistled. "So Badger Tooth married Two Owls, and the other two men are the ghosts."

  Hal grinned. "There are three ghosts. The princess married Two Owls. And right after she gave birth to twins—one girl and one boy—Two Owls fell off the bluff and died."

  "She killed him?" Ava, who loved a happily ever after story, was horrified.

  "Badger Tooth didn't want to share rule with any man," Hal said. "And rightly so. When she had her little prince and princess, she decided she didn't need him anymore. It was never proven that she killed him or any of the others. But she was a well-respected leader, so no one thought anything of it."

  "But she was a killer!" Kelly finally declared.

  "Things might have been different to them back in the day," Hal eased. He was really sweet with all of us. "The story is, late at night, you can see the ghosts of the three young men running up the cliff and falling to their deaths."

  We burst into applause, and Hal took a little bow.

  "That's a great story!" Lauren shouted.

  "We're totally having a night hike tonight!" Kaitlyn insisted.

  "I like her," Betty said with a curt nod.

  "Thank you, Hal," I said. "Badger Tooth would've made a great, if somewhat murdery, Girl Scout."

  The girls carried the bags out to the car with Kelly as I paid.

  "How much for the lanyards and name tags?"

  Hal waved me off. "On the house."

  I stared at him. "Really? They look expensive."

  The man shook his head. "I won't take a cent for them."

  "Thanks." I wasn't sure I'd be thanking him by the end of the trip. "But I'm sure I'll be fighting to keep them in bed all night."

  He shrugged. "At least I didn't tell them about the aliens."

  CHAPTER SIX

  The girls chattered like magpies all the way back to the lodge to unpack and then back into town to Fancy Nancy's for dinner. This time, almost every parking spot on the street was taken. Sure enough, we walked in to find the restaurant packed.

  Nancy waved us over to the table we'd had earlier. There was a sign on it that said Reserved.

  "I saved your table!" she said cheerfully.

  Kelly thanked her as we herded the girls to the table. "How did you know we were coming?"

  "Hal told me." She paused to wave at Hal and Nigel, who were at a booth in the corner. "I figured it was getting too late for you to make dinner, so you'd come here."

  Murl barked from the kitchen, and Nancy excused herself.

  "This place is weird." Kelly looked like she might be regretting her decision to come here.

  "What are you saying?" Betty said. "This place is awesome. There's a giant tooth, a killer princess, and everyone keeps mentioning aliens." When she saw the look on my face, she explained, "I can read lips. I saw what Hal told you through the window. Like I said, staying at Camp des Morts is awesome!"

  I wondered what on the menu would make them so sleepy that they wouldn't want to go on a ghost hunting hike. Was it too much to hope that Murl could make us an entire turkey?

  "Eating here is perfect. It gives us more time for our night hike," Lauren said. "Good idea, Mrs. Albers!"

  I thought it was my idea, but I let it go. I had other things to think about. If we survived tonight, tomorrow we'd have to survive the spider house. And I'd have to figure out if Aunt June was murdered or just crazy. Considering I was in for a long night keeping the girls inside, I hoped it was the latter.

  Why did I feel a little twinge of disappointment? Was I hoping to have a case to solve away from home? Maybe. I'd have to be careful not to let enthusiasm for murder get the best of me. I needed to focus and be totally impartial if I was going to figure this out. And if it wasn't murder, we still had ghosts and aliens.

  There had to be almost fifty people in the place. And Nancy was doing all the table waiting. She wasn't taking notes. As someone came in, she waved them to what I assume was their usual table, and then she'd shout an order at the unseen Murl. The people at the table would nod, and Nancy would move on to the next table.

  People here must order the same thing every time they came in. I couldn't blame them, as I wondered if she had more fried chicken.

  "Do you want to hear the specials?" Nancy appeared at my side, causing me to jump.

  "Sure," Kelly answered for everyone.

  "We have meatloaf and potatoes, a hot roast beef sandwich with potatoes, and a stuffed Iowa pork chop." She looked at us expectantly.

  That's when I realized we didn't have any menus.

  "Can we have hamburgers and fries?" Kaitlyn asked.

  "Of course, darling! We have the best burgers in the state!"

  She was wrong, of course, because Oleo's back in Who's There had the best burgers hand
s down. But it seemed rude to mention this since they lost out to Dubuque and all. The girls all ordered hamburgers—Betty ordered hers done very well.

  "As much like a charcoal brick as you can," she insisted.

  "Briquet," Kelly corrected.

  "Whatever." Betty threw her hands in the air.

  Betty ate everything burned to a crisp. Her toasted marshmallows were the worst. Blackened completely on the outside, molten lava on the inside. And don't get me started on how she cooks her hot dogs. The very idea made me shudder.

  "I'll have the hot beef sandwich, please," I ordered.

  This might be an Iowa thing, but my Grandma Wrath always judged a restaurant by its hot beef sandwich. Oddly enough, the hospital had the best one in town. Adelaide Wrath ate there so often that many on the staff assumed she was a terminal patient.

  A hot beef sandwich starts with a slab of white bread. You layer sliced roast beef on top of it then add a healthy dollop of mashed potatoes on top and pour gravy over the whole thing. It's genius really.

  Oh sure, the South claims it too, and I've even heard that it's called Roast Beef Manhattan in New York City. But it's a Midwestern dish through and through. And I'm pretty sure, with no evidence to back it up at all, that it originated in Iowa, home of the Tater Tot casserole.

  Come to think of it, all of our food was like that. We had Jell-O and strawberry pretzel cream cheese salad, both of which were really desserts. And we had bars, which were like brownies. Oh, and sweet corn. There's nothing better than sweet corn in the summer.

  Now that I mention it, this may be why there's an obesity epidemic in the Midwest.

  As the girls and Kelly talked about ghosts, my thoughts turned to the people around me. If I was right, then a good portion of the population of Behold was right here. It was a possibility that one or more of these citizens of Behold had murdered Aunt June.

  Nigel had thought it was ridiculous. He believed that she'd died of natural causes. He also thought she was crazy. The problem with that was I had no idea if he was right. I didn't know anything about the woman, other than the fact that she collected some dangerous insects.

  What if he was right? I mean, who would want to kill someone like her? Small towns usually embraced their crazy folk. Although it was possible that everyone here was crazy, the way they mentioned aliens and ghosts.

  I needed more information. Tomorrow I'd go to the house and visit Dr. Morgan. I needed an idea of who Aunt June was before I did any investigating. There might not be anything to investigate.

  These people looked just like the folks you'd see in Who's There—socializing and having a good time at the town hotspot. Where should I begin to investigate? You might think it would be easy in such a small place to find a killer. But you'd be wrong. Because I had nine hundred people to consider. In a small town, everyone knows everyone—which makes for an enormous suspect pool. In a bigger town, like mine, or a city, you only had the people who the deceased had in their circle of friends and family, and 99% of murders seemed to be committed by someone the victim knew.

  Searching for a needle in a haystack seemed like an understatement here.

  "Here you are!" Nancy set a plate in front of me.

  Then again, because everyone knew everyone, if I asked just the right thing to the right gossip, I might just find what I was looking for. However, I was an outsider, and small towns, being close knit, often shut outsiders out. Although I was technically now a property owner since I'd inherited Aunt June's estate. Would that be enough to get people to open up?

  All of those thoughts dissipated as the aroma of my dinner took over all of my senses. I took a bite and groaned loudly.

  "Oh my God. This is amazing!" I'm pretty sure my taste buds had a euphoric moment consistent with snuggling ten puppies or finding out you could eat as many Oreos as you wanted without gaining weight or getting sick.

  The girls and Kelly all nodded in agreement, their mouths full of food. It was hard to think about anything but my taste buds as I took bite after bite, savoring and gulping down my food simultaneously.

  My mind floated back to the investigation. Starting with the basics, I'd need to find out if there'd been an obituary. I hadn't seen a town newspaper or even a funeral home. For as much as they hated nearby Dubuque, did they go there for their news and funeral arrangements?

  I made a list in my head of who I'd already met…Nancy (and, sort of, Murl), Nigel, Emmy, Toad, and Hal. I still needed to meet Dr. Morgan and anyone else who was someone important in town. For that, I'd need a full night's rest. And I was pretty sure I wasn't going to get any tonight.

  I could start now. Nancy was taking a break at the counter, drinking coffee. I excused myself and joined her at the counter. Someone like her knew everyone, and as she moved among the tables all day, she must hear all kinds of interesting things. She'd been super nice since we'd arrived. Hopefully, she'd continue, and I could do a little digging.

  She turned to me as I sat down, smiling warmly. "How was your dinner?"

  "It's the best I've ever had," I gushed. "Did you cook this or does Murl do it?"

  Nancy laughed. "Murl does all the cooking. I can do it, but someone has to run things here."

  I'd buttered her up. That was step one. I needed a gateway to step two…

  Nancy took another sip of coffee before saying, "So what brings you ladies to town? Are you just here for Camp des Morts?"

  There it was. My opening.

  "Actually," I said, using my saddest expression—the one I'd used to get sympathy from a vicious Yakuza mob boss or my husband when I wanted a third night of ordering out. "We came here for another reason. Well, I did. When Kelly found out, she decided we needed to bring the girls to see Camp des Morts. It's considered the best Scout camp in the state."

  Nancy nodded as if she'd always known this, and I wondered if she already knew about Aunt June, considering how fast word got around here. "What's the other reason?"

  "I've had a death in the family." I studied her reaction.

  Did I imagine it, or did a muscle in her cheek twitch?

  She patted my arm. "I'm so sorry! Anyone I know?"

  She was almost convincing.

  "I'm sure you do. Aunt Delilah June? She lived here. I'd never met the woman, but she left me everything."

  "Everything?" For a split second, Nancy seemed stunned. She recovered quickly.

  I continued before she could gather her thoughts. "The thing is, I'm feeling pretty guilty. I never knew the woman. She'd been friends with my grandmother. I didn't know that she even knew I existed."

  Nancy visibly relaxed. That was interesting. Had what I said made her think I wasn't a threat? Personally, I liked being underestimated. It's a valuable tool in spycraft. People love to think they know more than you. If they think you're a total idiot, they drop their guard and say things they wouldn't normally say in public.

  Once, in Cairo, I was undercover as a camel washer for a tourist agency. I did that job for three weeks, waiting for the Russian ambassador to go on a caravan with his wife and colleagues. Here in the US, they would've played golf. In Egypt, the equivalent was riding camels into a sandstorm.

  And let me just say that camels are huge, smelly, stubborn beasts, and bathing them is like forcibly washing three deranged NFL linebackers with a garden hose.

  At any rate, I was disguised as a skinny, slightly feminine boy. And I got so much intel from those twenty minutes of overhearing the ambassador complaining to his wife about his work that we were able to stop a minor Russian incursion deeper into Ukraine.

  You might not think shoveling camel crap for three weeks was worth it, but to the people in that area of Ukraine, it was worth every moment. Besides, I now knew how to control a camel, which came as a bonus one night in Somalia when I had to outrun a couple of goons riding those little Shrine motorcycles. It was a misunderstanding, but in hindsight, insulting a man's pet turkey is never a good idea…in any country.

  "Aunt June w
as lovely," Nancy demurred. "If we weren't so busy right now, I'd tell you some stories, but as you can see…" She waved her hand around. "We're pretty busy." She got to her feet and excused herself.

  Did I imagine it, or did Nancy seem stunned that Aunt June had left someone everything? Or maybe she was stunned that she left it all to an outsider who didn't know her. Would it be wise to come back when it was less busy to press her on the subject, or would it be too pushy, resulting in her shutting down?

  I was heading back to my table when Nigel and his brother waved me over.

  "Mrs. Ferguson," Nigel said. "You wanted to meet Dr. Morgan? He's sitting right over there."

  I followed his finger to a table with an elderly man working his way through a prime rib dinner. He had to be in his seventies, with white hair and a pair of wire-rimmed glasses. He looked like an advertisement for a Normal Rockwell painting of a country doctor.

  "He should have office hours tomorrow from nine to four," Nigel added.

  "Thanks Mr. Hickenlooper…" I nodded at his brother. "And Mr. Hickenlooper."

  "Hal, please." The man winked. "It's too small a town to stand on ceremony."

  "You must call me Merry," I said as I turned to look at his brother, hopefully prodding him into the reciprocal action.

  Hal looked at Nigel too, who acted as if he had no idea what was going on.

  "Forgive my stuffy brother," Hal said. "You can call him Nigel."

  Nigel scowled at his brother and didn't say anything in support of or against the idea.

  "Well, then, Nigel, Hal, have a lovely evening."

  As I walked away, I heard Nigel ask his brother, "What are you doing?"

  Hal replied, "Relax. It's good to be friendly. Now finish dinner. I've got to get back to the shop to take care of things."

  "Mrs. Wrath," Lauren asked as I sat down, "did you get the scoop?"

  I felt a small surge of accomplishment. "I did. Not much, but I did pretty well I think."

  Betty eyed me skeptically. "We did too. Did you know that Aunt June had three boyfriends?"

  Ava nodded as my jaw fell to the floor. "And they didn't find out about the others until two days before she was murdered!"