Meerkats and Murder Read online

  "Any news?" I asked before he could speak.

  He shook his head. "No. But I have several questions."

  I slumped. "You want to know why I was there. I was visiting Mr. Fancy Pants."

  "Yes." He came around the coffee table and sat next to me. "I know. You've been breaking into the zoo for a while now."

  My jaw dropped. "What? How did you know?"

  Rex reached into my purse and pulled out my keychain attached to a card. "You probably shouldn't have labeled the key Zoo/Mr. Fancy Pants Bldg.

  "Oh," I deflated like a balloon in space.

  He nodded. "Oh is right. I haven't said anything because I know you have a special bond with the bird and I knew you were harmless. The problem is, I just had to lie to Dr. Wulf, saying you just happened to be with me when I got the call."

  I brightened. "You lied for me?"

  Rex pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm not happy about it. I've turned a blind eye to your activities for a while now. And look what's happened. You've been attacked twice in your house and stumbled over a body in the zoo."

  I was hopeful. Rex had let me run around like a crazy person because he loved me. Which was awesome!

  "In your late-night adventures," Rex asked, "have you come across a kid by the name of Robby Doyle?"

  "That's the guy!" I jumped to my feet. "He's the kid Dickie is always quoting!"

  Rex's eyebrows went up, and realizing I might have said too much, I sat back down. "Dr. Wulf told me he usually cleans that area. He's young—maybe twenty," Rex added.

  "I should probably come clean with you," I said slowly.

  He nodded. "I wish you would. You know you can trust me, right?"

  With a rush of air, I filled him in on everything I knew—from Nye to Joe Hanson. "It's just that this Joe guy is classified. Sorry I went all secret agent on you," I said. "It's in my blood. And I thought if you knew this, it would get you in trouble. I didn't want that."

  Rex took my hands in his. "Thank you for telling me. This helps with the case. And even if something is classified, I do have the right to question the proper authorities. If they shut me down, then…"

  This got my attention. "Then what?"

  A sly smile spread across his handsome features. "Then I suppose there's nothing I can do to stop you from checking it out. Officially. You still have a connection to the Agency, and if what you're saying about your house is true and they put you in danger by keeping things from you, then I think you have the right to know."

  I threw my arms around him and planted a long, steamy kiss on his lips. When I pulled back, I was about as breathless as I'd been under the chloroform.

  "Deal! Now I just have to pin Riley to the floor and threaten him with a rusty spoon, and he'll spill his guts."

  "Really?" Rex didn't look convinced. "Riley hasn't exactly been truthful with you in the past. And don't you think it's strange how he showed up at your house last night?"

  I shook my head. "He heard it on the scanner. Probably couldn't resist." Why didn't I tie him up last night? I wasn't thinking clearly. "If he's lied to me again, I'm going to kill him." I gave my husband a look. "But you didn't hear that from me."

  He held his hands up defensively. "That's fine. I'll try to be on vacation that week." He got to his feet and held out his hand. "But it's late. I have to be up for work in a few hours, and I think you have a troop meeting tomorrow. I suggest we hit the hay."

  * * *

  My troop doesn't normally meet more than every two weeks, but we had been working on a badge and the girls wanted to get it done. Some of the girls, especially Ava and Inez, had become a little badge-ambitious lately, trying to earn as many as possible before the school year ended. The real goal was to work through all the badges so they could make up their own. I probably shouldn't have promised them that.

  The Kaitlyns felt that we needed more camping badges (mostly for fire starting, naturally), while Lauren and Inez wanted more animal-related badgework. Ava thought we should have a junior executive track that she could later put on her resume. Caterina and Hannah didn't care what we did, as long as we kept bringing snacks. And Betty was holding out for a complete track of ten badges, which included killing by using everyday objects, how to train your cat to eat someone using just hand signals, and my personal favorite—field stripping sniper rifles in five minutes or less.

  Kelly was in the classroom waiting for me. "What is that?"

  I looked down at the box diorama of the troop. "Randi made it. I thought the girls would want to see."

  She studied the figures. "We're rats?"

  I nodded. "Rats are super smart. It's a compliment. I think."

  "Put it out of the way, and if we have time, we can show the girls. I've been busy setting up."

  She had the little tables set with paper and markers for eleven. To complete the work we'd started a few days ago, we were going to discuss positive projects for social media, like fundraisers and awareness of an issue.

  "Why are there eleven?" I asked. "With you and me, it's twelve, and we only have ten girls."

  My best friend and co-leader gave me a surprised look. "The new girl. Don't you remember? I told you about her."

  My eyes rolled into my head, and I thought about it. It was possible that she'd told me and I'd forgotten. I did that sometimes. I couldn't remember a single word mentioned about a new girl and wasn't clever enough to act embarrassed.

  "Okay, tell me again as if you hadn't already told me."

  Kelly nodded. "Her name is Sharon. She's from Bladdersly."

  Bladdersly. Who's There's version of Specter, Smersh, and Chaos, if those organizations were made up of inbred half-wits. The town, about ten miles away, was our biggest rival in football and just about anything else. It had been a particularly bad year, with the wins going to Bladdersly in football, wrestling, and cow-tipping…although we did win the annual Largest Ham Sandwich competition against them last summer. In hindsight, it had been a bad idea to do it in July. A couple of dogs ate the ham hours after it had been sitting in the hot sun and came down with a very violent form of ptomaine poisoning that haunts me to this day.

  I didn't like losing to that pimple of a town, and I'd been upset last year when I lost one of the Hannahs and Emily to them. It felt like they'd moved to the moon. A moon where the people ate roadkill and had a town-wide collective IQ of 5.

  "That's all you needed to say," I grumped. "She's a demon spawn from Bladdersly. I'll go get the holy water…"

  Kelly sighed. "I'm sure she's fine. After all, she managed to escape."

  The girls came into the room and swarmed the tables, looking curiously at the paper and markers Kelly had set up. Once everyone was in, a tall girl entered the room, and a hush fell. I got the impression that was exactly what she'd wanted to happen.

  "Sharon?" Kelly smiled and walked over to the girl.

  She was pretty—extremely pretty. And looked like she was nineteen, not nine. Sharon had long, wavy blonde hair that looked like it took the whole morning to style. She was wearing obvious amounts of artfully applied makeup, and her blouse was a bit too snug, as if it was a size too small. The skirt she was wearing barely covered her rear end, and her shoes were two-inch high-heeled sandals.

  "Hello, Mrs. Albers." Her smile oozed charm, but the moment Kelly turned away, the little vixen rolled her eyes.

  I hated her immediately.

  Kelly caught my vibe and whispered, "Give her the benefit of the doubt."

  I wasn't at all surprised that she knew what I'd been thinking. She did that often enough that I was starting to think she had super powers—which was kind of awesome as long as they weren't used on me.

  "Girls," Kelly announced as Sharon posed next to her, hands on her hips, butt and chest sticking out with a pout on her face, looking like a slutty trout. "This is Sharon Schroeder, and she's new to town. She's joining our troop!"

  The girls stared open-mouthed at the newcomer, and I had trouble deciding if they als
o hated her or were in awe of her. Secretly, I hoped for the former.

  Lauren, always the ambassador of the troop, waved for Sharon to take the empty spot next to her. Sharon looked the girl up and down and then sighed as she joined the table.

  The girls were looking at the new kid like she was an exotic animal. Surely they'd seen her at school. There were three classes in the fourth grade, and my troop was divided up evenly between them.

  "Let's go around the room and introduce ourselves," Kelly said as she elbowed me hard in the ribs. "I'm Mrs. Albers, and this is Mrs. Ferguson my co-leader."

  "Hi," I said.

  Sharon's eyes narrowed as she studied me, from my short, curly hair to my T-shirt and jeans and moccasins. She didn't seem to approve.

  One by one, the girls introduced themselves. One of the four Kaitlyns served as spokesman, introducing each and every Kaitlyn M. Ava, the leader, asked her what her political aspirations were (she didn't answer). Hannah told Sharon she sat next to her in class, which the girl seemed surprised at. Inez folded her arms over her chest and said nothing, leaving Caterina to introduce both girls. And that left Betty and Lauren.

  "I'm Lauren," the redhead said with a grin. "And this is Betty," she said, pointing to the troop troublemaker, who had a strange look on her face.

  "How do you feel about independence for Catalonia?" Betty asked as if she was a prosecutor hoping for a tearful confession.

  The new girl scrunched up her face in disgust. "Who cares about independence for cats?"

  Lauren raised her hand to indicate that she did, but Betty cut her off. "It's a country. Not an animal."

  "Whatever." Sharon yawned as she turned toward the rest of us. "I'm Sharon. Duh."

  Oh, I really didn't like her.

  Kelly's smile never faded. "Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?"

  The girl got to her feet and struck a pose I'd seen three out of the five Kardashians use. "I didn't want to move, but my parents are splitting up, so I had no choice. My aunt lives here and insisted I join Girl Scouts to get to know other girls." She plunked back down in her seat and again rolled her eyes.

  I must've had that look on my face that said I was about to do terrible things with lanyard lace and a glue stick, because Kelly spoke first.

  "Don't…" Kelly whispered.

  I took a deep breath and pasted on a smile. "Okay, let's work on today's assignment. Sharon, we're talking about responsible use of social media."

  Sharon looked a smidge more interested. "I'm good at that. I'm on Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, Instagram, and Secrets. I have tens of thousands of followers. I'm kind of a big deal, a real influencer." She sat back with a smug look on her face.

  Kelly and I looked at each other.

  "Secrets?" I asked. "I'm not familiar with that one."

  "Oh." The girl looked thoroughly bored. "Well, it's where hot babes meet cute dudes."

  "Hot babes?" I cried out. "You're a little girl. You shouldn't be on something like that."

  She sighed. "I'm not a little kid." She scowled at the rest of the girls and dismissed them with a wave of a perfectly manicured hand. "I'm a woman. All of my other friends are older, like, twelve. And my boyfriend is thirteen."

  An audible gasp came from the Kaitlyns cluster.

  "That's what we're here to talk about." Kelly steered the conversation back to the topic at hand. "You are all still children. Not women. And you have to be careful that you don't attract predators on social media."

  Sharon glared at her. "I am too a woman. My mother said so!"

  This was way out of my wheelhouse. I'd taken on bad guys in hand-to-hand combat, was trained to cope with torture. I could use every kind of weapon there was. But this girl scared the crap out of me.

  "No," Kelly said firmly. "You're a kid. And you will behave like one when in our troop."

  Whoa. Kelly was already tired of her. I gave the girl two meetings before she quit.

  "Whatever." Sharon sighed and took out her phone. She pouted, looking rather like a constipated duck, and took a selfie.

  The rest of the girls started to relax as we got into the badge work. For this exercise they had to create a meme for a fundraiser that could run on Facebook. Then they would present their work.

  I grabbed Kelly and pulled her into a corner. "What is up with that kid?"

  Kelly nodded. "She's a challenge, isn't she? But hey, give her a chance. She said her parents split up and she moved away from her friends. Our troop might do her some good."

  "I'll do her some good," I mumbled under my breath. "It involves a stun gun and a three-ring binder."

  My co-leader frowned but went back to the girls, circulating between the tables and answering questions. I set up the snacks of juice boxes and brownies, keeping an eye on Sharon as I did it. If you asked me, I'd say that girl was trouble. But maybe Kelly was right. There was no doubt in my mind that my amazing troop could change the world. I was starting to suspect, however, that changing the world would be easier than changing Sharon.

  Besides, I had bigger problems. I'd been texting Riley all day, and he still hadn't responded. After the meeting, I was going to his office to beat the information out of him with a stapler. It was obvious that he knew what was going on.

  Yet again, that man was keeping things from me. This time it was worse, however, because I normally found out what he was up to. If he'd known that Joe Hanson lived in my house before I'd moved in and hadn't told me in three years, well, let's just say the stun gun I was reserving for Sharon would be better applied elsewhere.

  "Mrs. Wrath?" Ava stood up and pointed at the new girl. "She's not doing anything."

  "Technically," Sharon said without looking up from the largest cell phone I'd ever seen, "I'm checking my Instagram page. That counts."

  "Don't worry about her," I said to Ava. "Just do your own work, okay?"

  The little girl did as I asked and started writing, stopping every few seconds to glare at Sharon.

  That's when I noticed that Betty was missing. This was a common occurrence and a reason to panic, since you weren't allowed out of the room without permission and a buddy. Lauren caught my eye and became abnormally interested in her red marker.

  I was just about to ask where Betty had gone off to when the girl returned, carrying a brick. Where did she get that? I moved around the perimeter of the room as Betty edged closer to Sharon. I moved faster when she brought the brick up over her head with both hands, just behind Sharon.

  In three steps I took the brick from her and pointed at her seat. Betty grumped as she sat back down. What the hell? She was trying to kill the new kid? She should've known better. A brick is too direct. There were better ways…um, not that I'd encourage it because I'm a responsible adult, of course.

  "All right, ladies!" Kelly clapped her hands. "Time's up! Who wants to go first?"

  One of the Kaitlyns stood up, holding a picture of a horse. "This is a fundraiser to raise money to get more horses at Girl Scout Camp." Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the horse had curly gray hair and used a walker. "The horses there are too old." She sat back down triumphantly.

  The second Kaitlyn stood up with a similar picture of the elderly horse with a walker eating grass. "Mine is for a sanctuary for the old horses, where they can just eat grass until they die."

  Kaitlyn number three rose from her seat. In her hands she held a picture of the same elderly horse, lying on its back, with Xs over its eyes. It was on some kind of conveyor belt. "I want to stop horse cremation! It's a travelocity."

  "Travesty, stupid," Sharon said low enough that the girls hadn't heard, but I had. I silenced her with a look that indicated we would talk about that later.

  "Horse cremation?" I whispered to Kelly. "Is that a thing?"

  The last Kaitlyn arose, and her picture was more disturbing, featuring a different horse hanging from a noose, as other horses around it cried. "I want to stop horse suicide. It's a pepidemic and must be stopped."

&nb
sp; She sat down to the sound of enthusiastic applause. The usually silent Caterina even shouted, "Bravo!"

  "I, um, really like that you girls each created a theme based on the other girls'." Kelly's voice was strangled, as if she was about to burst into tears or laughter at any moment.

  I was torn. On the one hand, yes, there shouldn't be such a thing as horse suicide, but I stopped short of informing the girls that there wasn't such a thing as horse suicide. Instead, I opted for something safer.

  "Inez? It's your turn."

  Inez stood up and held up an amazing likeness of Sharon with a circle around it and a line drawn through it. "I want to start an anti-bullying campaign."

  Sharon didn't even look up from her phone, which was probably for the best, although I knew Inez could take her.

  "Very good!" Kelly waved for the girl to sit down quickly. "Hannah?"

  Hannah was one of my good girls. She always followed the rules and was the cheerleader for the group. The girl stood up and showed us a picture of the sun shining on a city full of solar panels.

  "I want to get people interested in solar power," she said.

  Yay! A normal presentation that actually followed the assignment!

  "Because the Mole People from the center of the earth are coming," she said. "And they don't like the sun."

  There was even more applause here, and to be honest, I joined in. She had a point, after all. The Mole People do not like the sun.

  Ava stood up before being asked. "I want to see more women in politics." She showed us a picture of a giant, angry Ava with pointed teeth, scowling as she stepped on little stick people. "Smash the patriarchy!" she shouted as she thrust her fist into the air and then sat down.

  "Nice job," I said, adding my approval. "Caterina?"

  The girl stood up slowly and held up a page full of words that I couldn't read from where I was.

  She cleared her throat. "I wrote a story about a Martian who comes to Earth to eat the Kardashians."

  Sharon's face clouded as she looked up from her phone. "That's not the assignment!"

  Caterina nodded. "It is too. It's a public service thingy! The Kardashians are terrible people and must be stopped."